Life Goes On
Death is a hard lesson and yet the seeds of awakening can be found in acceptance of its inevitability.
-The Miracle Collectors
October 29, 2021
As we approach Halloween, it is good to remember the holiday's history as a way of honoring those holy or sanctified ones who have gone before us and easily lends itself to a discussion about death, a topic most of us try to avoid. As Katie writes about this month, constantly reminding ourselves of the inevitability of death is the secret to a joyful and wonder filled life. Turns out underneath all the ghosts and goblins miracles can be found.
Halloween is a reminder of the afterlife. Skeletons and ghosts are classic costumes and décor, and tomb stones with RIP litter neighborhood lawns. Halloween is also followed the next day by All Saints Day and then All Souls Day in the Catholic faith, honoring both the extraordinary and the regular folks who have died. Likewise the Mexican tradition of Dia de los Muertos honors the idea that the dead live on and deserve our attention and prayers. I was recently enlightened by a nun, Sister Aletheia, ex-atheist and punk rock fan, who has revived an old Catholic practice that dates back to at least the 6th century, called Memento Mori, which is Latin for “Remember your death.” The concept behind Memento Mori is not uniquely Christian, as many wisdom traditions and cultures around the globe understand the value of contemplating death frequently as the secret to a joyful life. The Bhutanese believe that one should contemplate death five times a day in order to lead a happy life. There’s even an app called “WeCroak” started by a couple of guys in Brooklyn that will remind you several times a day that “You’re Going to Die.”
Why would the contemplation of death be associated with a happier or more fulfilled life? If we recognize our time is limited, we are more deliberate and considered in the choices we make. We are more likely to appreciate and live in the present moment, recognizing this is all any of us is guaranteed, this ordinary moment: the voice or presence of someone you love, the sunlight as it catches yellow and red leaves out your front window, the sound of the wind as it rustles the leaves in the trees, sun on your face, as you go to the mailbox to pick up today’s mail. Perhaps too, we learn how to seek out moments that transcend the ordinary, immerse ourselves more often in experiences that bring joy, wonder, and an awareness of the abiding beauty of the universe, our place within it, and connection to it.
The starkest reminder of death is the one that hits you in the solar plexus when you lose someone you love all too soon as happened to me earlier this month. A friend of over 40 years, Jan and I met in college and then grew throughout adulthood together, forging careers, surviving pregnancies and motherhood side by side, celebrating Thanksgivings, Christmas seasons, and our children’s milestones. And then after our children launched, taking the time to travel together, though time ran out too soon for the adventures we had planned. When we were together, we did seem to live the ordinary and joyful moments as if we could die tomorrow. Jan especially made the most of every waking moment and adventure, always insisting on full immersion in any city we visited, foreign or domestic.
Here’s the hardest reality about death: life goes on. Those of us who still have days or years or decades to live, must do so without a bright light in our lives. And yet, the idea that life goes on is also the best news too. We have choices to make and ordinary moments to savor and the opportunity to discover new and wonderful experiences – miracles still to uncover. Sister Aletheia observed, “We try to suppress the thought of death, or escape it…But it’s actually in facing the darkest realities of life that we find the light in them.” Death cannot extinguish a person’s light or love, but it can remind us to take death seriously, recognize that all of our days are numbered, and make the most of every last one of them.